Lesbian Domestic Violence

Archive for April, 2010

Potty talk As organizations that are dedicated to the rights, safety and full participation of women throughout Missoula and Montana, we are proud to announce our public support of the Missoula Non-Discrimination Ordinance (see etc., April 1, 2010). This ordinance will protect people who live, work or visit the city of Missoula from discrimination in the areas of housing, employment and public … Read more on Missoula Independent

Help & support Allergy Tune-up: at Gentle Currents Acupuncture Clinic’s Community Acupuncture Treatments. Community Acupuncture offers treatments in an open shared healing environment at a reduced rate. The typical charge for acupuncture in the Seacoast area is $75 to $80 for an individual treatment. Read more on Exeter News-Letter

COMMUNITY BULLETIN BOARD Crisis Center Alexandra provides legal assistance and counseling to victims of domestic violence. English speaking staff. 12-ya liniya V.O. 13-a, St. Petersburg 101002. Call 320-6724 Read more on St. Petersburg Times

On the 40th anniversary of the gay rights movement, Pennsylvania has far to go
32 PLW 738; July 6, 2009 By Dorothy K. Phillips
Special to the Law Weekly

 In 1969, police raided the Stonewall Inn in New York City setting off the gay rights movement in the United States.

 Until recently, two states, Massachusetts and Connecticut, recognized same-sex marriages. In the last few months, four more states have approved same-sex marriage, specifically Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine. The progress in 40 years from a raid on a “gay bar” to six states approving same-sex marriage seems, at first blush, dramatic and progressive. A careful analysis, however, shows that while certain states have fostered the rights of same-sex couples, the federal government has moved at a snail’s pace. There is still no policy that permits gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. In fact, gays and lesbians who have “come out” in the military and disclosed their sexual orientation are facing courts-martial proceedings. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is alive and well, notwithstanding President Obama’s campaign promises to the contrary.

 On the federal level, in 1966, legislation known as the Defense of Marriage Act was passed by Congress defining marriage as a legal union between a male and female. That act is still in place, and gay people still cannot provide health insurance or survivor benefits to their partners if they are employed by the federal government. These federal rights have been sought vigorously by gay couples who believed that with the election of Obama, progress would be swift. LGBT Americans have been severely disappointed. What the president has done is to allow domestic partners of federal employees with such chronic conditions as Alzheimer’s disease to be covered by long-term health insurance. By presidential fiat, in June, Obama provided that federal workers can take sick leave to care for a partner or a child who is not his or hers by birth. But Obama put on the brakes when it came to providing health care benefits to the partners of federal workers.

 How has Pennsylvania fared with gay rights issues? Not well. Pennsylvania has long been against marriage for gays, against civil unions and against employee benefits for gay couples, unlike its sister state, New Jersey. On Jan. 15, 2007, I wrote an article for Pennsylvania Law Weekly regarding New Jersey’s decision to permit civil unions between same-sex couples, which legislation afforded those couples the same state rights and benefits of married heterosexual couples. The New Jersey egislature stopped short of granting the right to marry to same-sex couples, but accomplished awarding couples who entered into civil unions the right to own property, to transfer property during life and at death and the right to divide property upon death in the same manner as married heterosexual couples. With that legislation, those couples joined by civil union were entitled to health insurance; pension benefits; to worker’s compensation benefits; to family leave; public assistance benefits, including Medicaid; domestic violence protection, and the right to adopt children. However, state legislation on civil unions does not extend to federal rights. For instance, state rights do not give a gay couple the right to file a joint federal tax return, the right to receive Medicare; or any other federal benefit. There are no Social Security benefits for the partner of a civil union or of a same-sex marriage.

 Steps Forward — and Backward

 A recent review of Pennsylvania’s efforts with respect to its gay citizens evidences both steps forward and steps backward. For instance, the Pennsylvania Human Relations Act offers no protection for sexual orientation or gender identity. There is no protection for gay individuals in Pennsylvania against discrimination in the work place, and in the housing market. In an effort to remedy this situation, earlier this year, state Rep. Dan Frankel, D-Allegheny, introduced House Bill 300, which provides the same non-discriminatory protection in employment and in housing industry for sexual orientation, gender identity or expression as is afforded regarding race, color, religious creed or ancestry. The Philadelphia Bar Association passed a strong resolution in support of HB 300. Notwithstanding, state Sen. John Eichelberger, R-Blair, introduced an amendment defining marriage as a legal union between a man and woman. Further, Eichelberger’s legislation would expressly ban gay marriage even though a 1996 law in Pennsylvania specifically defining marriage as between a man and a woman still exists. Thereafter, state Sen. Daylin Leach, D-Montgomery/Delaware, introduced legislation that would legalize same-sex marriage. Obviously, the proposed legislation from both senators Eichelberger and Leach are antithetical. With the poor state of the economy at present being the top priority, there is not optimism that either will pass. Meanwhile, House Bill 300 has languished in the General Assembly.

 The headline of my article for the Law Weekly in November of 2006 was “Separate, But Not Equal.” That article discussed the rejection of same-sex marriage and domestic partnerships during the elections of Nov. 20, 2006. I wrote another article on Jan. 15, 2007 headlined “Separate, But Still Not Equal“, exploring the fact that although the New Jersey Legislature passed legislation approving civil unions, which granted same-sex couples state’s rights, there were still no benefits from the federal government. Obama’s efforts for gay couples earlier this month are far less than that which the LGBT community was hoping for. The front page of the Sunday New York Times for June 28, featured an article headlined “Political Shifts on Gay Rights Are Lagging Behind Culture.” A reading of that article indicates that while gay issues are being discussed and considered in the nation’s capitol, LGBT Americans are far from being treated equally. There was tremendous hope by gays and lesbians that Obama, together with a Democratic Congress, would afford gays the rights which they had been long seeking. However, Obama and Congress are moving slowly, like the proverbial tortoise.

 While the United States took a giant step forward in electing a president of mixed race, there is not equality in the area of sexual orientation or gender identity. The state government remains hostile to LGBT Pennsylvanians, affording very little in the way of equal rights to the partners of gay employees or to gay couples. Ironically, Pennsylvania’s neighbors, New York and New Jersey, afford protection for sexual orientation and gender identity. However, Pennsylvania continues to remain a state where gay couples are still separate, not equal, and do not even have a Human Relations Act providing for non-discrimination in the workplace or with respect to housing. As gay citizens continue to capture positions of prominence along with the concomitant financial accession, they will yield the economic and political power to secure the civil rights which other groups have already secured.•

 Dorothy K. Phillips is the founder and managing partner of DorothyK.Phillips & Associates in Philadelphia. She focuses her practice on domestic relations law. A former family therapist, she is a frequent author and lecturer on a variety of family law issues.

 

Marriage counseling gives people a chance to work out issues with their partners whether it be their boyfriend or girlfriend or their spouse. This process is also referred to as couples counseling. Marriage counseling gives couples the tools to improve their relationship and to learn how to better relate to one another. 

Marriage counseling should be done by a licensed counselor who has a certification in marriage and family counseling. These counselors do pretty much the same as any other counselor but they focus on helping couples. 

In most cases, couples only need to meet with a marriage counselor a few times to work out their problems. Couples who are having more severe problems can attend marriage counseling for several months, though. Marriage counseling usually occurs on a weekly basis.

Marriage Counseling Can Help Everyone

All couples have issues that they need to work through. Each person has different beliefs, ambitions, values and wants different things from their lives and this can cause conflict. If you learn how to work together, though, there does not have to be conflict because of your differences. Couples can learn to appreciate their partner’s unique views and ways of looking at things and this can actually strengthen your relationship.

At times, though, the things that make you and your partner unique can cause problems. The habits and quirks that you found cute in the beginning of the relationship can start to drive you crazy. Relationships can start to suffer if there is a traumatic event such as one partner cheating on the other. The relationship may also suffer if the couple starts to drift apart and starts to fell like they aren’t connected anymore.

Regardless of what the reason for the problems in your marriage, it is very stressful and upsetting to be dealing with them every day. A lot of people ignore their problems and think they will just get better over time. The truth is the problems will probably get worse over time and cause more distress and even depression. The people around you can feel the tension when you are having marriage problems and you can even have trouble focusing at work because of the problems.

Marriage counseling can help couples overcome a variety of problems including the following:

A partner who has had an affair
Talk of divorce
Drug or alcohol abuse
Dealing with physical or mental illness
Gay and lesbian issues
Cultural differences
Money issues
Loss of a job
Step family issues
Trouble communicating
Issues with your sex life
Different opinions on raising children
Infertility issues
Anger management
Major life changes like retirement

Marriage Counseling and Domestic Violence

In some cases, marriage counseling can be helpful for couples dealing with domestic violence issues. If the violence has gotten to the point where you are afraid that you or your children will be seriously hurt you should seek help from the police or an organization dealing with domestic violence like a shelter. Marriage counseling by itself may not be enough to help in a relationship with domestic violence issues. 

Marriage Counseling to Avoid Problems

Not all couples who enter marriage counseling do so because they have issues that need to be dealt with. Sometimes marriage counseling is used to strengthen a relationship and help prevent issues from arising in the future. Marriage counseling can also help couples deal with issues before they even get married. Going to marriage counseling before getting married helps couples figure out how to work through the differences that are bound to arise in their marriage.

What Happens in Marriage Counseling?

Marriage counseling gets both people in a relationship in the same room to talk with the counselor. The counselor attempts to help the couple understand what is causing their problems and work on ways to better deal with the problems. Both the people in the relationship get to share their views of what is going on, both good and bad, in the relationship.

Through marriage counseling, couples will learn how to work together. The counselor will teach the couple communication skills and help them learn how to disagree in a healthy way. If there are serious issues causing the problems in the marriage like drug or alcohol abuse or mental illness than other specialists might be brought in to help resolve those issues. 

Talking about your problems and issues in marriage counseling is sometimes difficult. You and your partner may find yourselves sitting quietly and refusing to speak to each other because you are so angry. Or you may find yourselves having a huge argument right there in the counselor’s office. The marriage counselor is there to intervene and help you calmly discuss issues without implying that either of you are right or wrong.

Marriage counseling can make a difference in your marriage in a very short time. In some cases, though, marriage counseling may make you and your partner realize that you really do not belong together.

If your spouse or partner won’t consider going to marriage counseling you should think about going alone. Obviously, marriage counseling is more effective if both partners attend but if you go alone you can learn how you can make a difference in the marriage by changing some of your behaviors and thought patterns.

The decision to attend marriage counseling is not usually an easy one but it is well worth the effort. Marriage counseling is a much better way to deal with issues in your marriage than hoping they go away on their own.